Naughty at 30 (Love Without Batteries #2) Read online

  Naughty

  at 30

  ~~~

  Cassandra Lawson

  Copyright ©2017 Cassandra Lawson

  All Rights Reserved

  Cover by Cassy Roop of Pink Ink Designs

  Proofreading by Kendra’s Editing and Book Services

  This book is a work of fiction. All characters and events are creations of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual people or events is purely coincidental.

  The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of a copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright infringement is investigated by federal law enforcement agencies and is punishable by up to five years in prison and a fine of $250,000.

  Table of Contents

  Table of Contents

  Also by Cassandra Lawson

  Acknowledgments

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Chapter Forty

  Chapter Forty-One

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Chapter Forty-Four

  Chapter Forty-Five

  Chapter Forty-Six

  Epilogue

  Sultry at 30

  Author’s Note

  About The Author

  Also by Cassandra Lawson

  Moon Virus Series

  Raven’s Blood (Book 1)

  Embrace the Heat (Book 2)

  Seducing Death (Book 3)

  Shattered Restraint (Book 4)

  Impulsive Destiny (Book 5)

  Untamed Winter (Book 6)

  Psy-Vamp Series

  Vampires and Vixens (Book 1)

  Safe Hex With a Vampire (Book 2)

  Vampires Prefer Blondes (Book 3)

  The Vampire Will See You Now (Book 4)

  Wanton with a Vampire (Book 5)

  Vampire in Geek’s Clothing (Book 6)

  Spells That Bind Series

  Sinfully Spellbound (Book 1)

  Shamelessly Spellbound (Book 2)

  Love Without Batteries

  Dirty at 30 (Book 1)

  Acknowledgments

  I want to say a special thank you to my daughters, Seramina and Jilliana, for being so supportive and understanding when I need to work extra hours on a book. As always, my wonderful beta readers, Kari, Levenia, and Ria, really helped me work out the bugs in this book. Most especially, I want to thank my husband for putting up with me calling him a needy little bitch as I channeled Luke while writing this book.

  Chapter One

  Chelsea

  I was sitting in Applebee’s on a Thursday night—don’t judge me. It was my turn to pick where we went, and my friends, Brook and Delaney, had already complained loudly about my choice of eating establishment. I’ve known Brook and Delaney for just over a year, and in that time, they’d become my best friends. We had a lot in common. We were all divorced thirty-year-old women who’d avoided dating for years because we didn’t want to end up with another asshole in our lives. Technically, Brook wasn’t divorced yet, but she’d been separated for over a decade, and she was working on her divorce after deciding she wanted to start dating again.

  Brook had suggested we make a pact to find men, and Delaney had agreed. I still couldn’t believe the two of them had talked me into dating again. My agreement could definitely be blamed on the four margaritas I’d had that night. I’m far too gullible when I’m tipsy. Brook had already found her man—my younger brother of all people! Delaney was still using the excuse that she had a book deadline coming up, which meant those bitches were pushing me to be the next to look for Mr. Right—or at least look for Mr. Right Now as Delaney often reminded me. So far, the guys I’d met had done nothing for me.

  “I give up!” I said, throwing my hands up in defeat. “Every guy I meet thinks I’m some delicate flower. I’ve tried dating, and it just isn’t for me.”

  “Oh, come on, Chels,” Brook began, her hazel eyes a grayish green tonight. With her dark brown hair and lithe frame, Brook always made my blonde hair and exaggerated curves stand out more when she stood next to me. “You can’t let a few bad dates ruin your plans to get back out there. You deserve to be happy. I know you’re nervous about dating again after Jason, but you can’t keep letting him control your life this way.”

  I might have told Brook she didn’t know what she was talking about if she wasn’t completely right about the hold Jason still had on me.

  “My ex-husband is like herpes,” I began. “You think he’s gone, but then another flare up appears. Not all women find the right guy. Maybe I’m one who won’t.”

  “I think you need to stop worrying about finding the right guy and have kinky sex with a hot guy who can make you scream,” Delaney suggested, pushing her long red hair back over her shoulders. With bright green eyes and elfin features, Delaney was striking and often caught the attention of men when we were out.

  “I need to like the guy to sleep with him,” I argued, looking at Brook to back me up since she wasn’t the type to sleep around either. Neither was Delaney, but I’d never tell her that since her fantasy involved a one night stand with a sex god—an actual sex god, not just a guy who was good in bed. Delaney’s imagination helped her have a much more interesting fantasy life than the rest of us.

  “Chelsea’s right,” Brook backed me up. “She’s not the type to just sleep with a guy she can’t stand talking to. I especially can’t see her hooking up with some guy who thinks she’s a ditsy blonde.”

  “You’re right,” Delaney agreed. “Some asshole who can’t see how awesome you are doesn’t deserve to see you naked, and if you hate the guy, you aren’t going to be interested in having sex with him.”

  “It’s not that I hate the guys I’ve been meeting,” I began, not really sure how to explain what I was feeling. There was just something missing. Part of the problem stemmed from the fact that most guys assumed I was a helpless bimbo who only cared about makeup and clothes. They thought I was all boobs and no brains. It was true—I never left the house without makeup, a habit I’d learned from my mom. I was also a short blonde with big boobs and a butt to match, but that didn’t mean I was completely girly. My house had been a fixer upper when I’d bought it five years ago, which is why I’d been able to afford it. Thanks to all I learned from my dad, I’d done most of the work on the house myself. The parts I couldn’t handle on my own, my dad helped me with. I loved working with my hands, and I wasn’t afraid to get dirty. For that reason, I also tended to get seriousl
y annoyed when guys refused to accept that I might know more about home repair than they did.

  “They can’t all be like our book boyfriends,” Delaney added with a sigh.

  That was the other problem I had. I was addicted to romances involving the younger sister falling for her big brother’s best friend. I’d probably read every one ever written, and whenever I found a new one, I had to buy it right away. That was my ideal romance. The problem was, I didn’t have an older brother. I only had a younger brother, and his best friend was also younger, and annoying. Lucas was very annoying and definitely not boyfriend material.

  “I should just give up,” I lamented. “Clearly, I attract the wrong men.”

  As if on cue, a guy walked up to our table. He was cute, with brown hair, blue eyes, and soft features. He was probably only a few inches taller than me, and when he smiled, twin dimples appeared, making him even cuter. I prepared myself for some offensive pick up line, proving my plan to start dating again was turning me into a pessimist.

  “Hi,” he said, sounding a little nervous, but in a practiced kind of way, like this was his technique. It probably worked on most women, too, because the sweet, shy attitude made him seem like a really nice guy.

  “Hey,” I replied with a smile.

  “I don’t mean to be nosy, but I overheard your conversation, and I don’t think you should rule out all men just because you’ve met some bad ones,” he told me, probably gearing up to tell me what a great catch he was.

  “Can I ask you a question?” I asked, deciding to prove I only attracted the wrong type of men.

  “Sure,” he replied with a one-shoulder shrug.

  “If we were dating, and I called to tell you I was running late because I was fixing my dishwasher, what would you say?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “I’d probably ask if you needed any help, or if you wanted me to pick up any parts.”

  “You wouldn’t assume I needed help?” I asked. “Or laugh at the funny joke I’d made about being able to fix my own dishwasher?”

  “Why would I assume you needed help or were joking?” he asked. “My girlfriend does all my car repairs. She’s the best mechanic I know, so I don’t see why I’d assume any woman couldn’t fix her own dishwasher.”

  “All the good ones really are taken,” I lamented with a sigh.

  “You’ll find the right guy,” he assured me, flashing that sweet, dimpled smile again. “I’d better go. My girlfriend just walked in.”

  Delaney shook her head as he walked away. “I thought he was going to hit on you.”

  Brook laughed. “Me too! We should find out if he has a brother he can fix you up with.”

  “It’s impossible for a family to have two sons that good. If he has a brother, his brother probably smashes beer cans on his forehead,” I argued.

  “Have you considered online dating?” Delaney asked.

  “Actually, I have,” I admitted. “Then I ended up deciding against it.”

  “We should go back to your place and set up a profile now!” Delaney suggested excitedly.

  “Yes,” Brook agreed. “We should do this before you change your mind. Are you still redoing the hardwood floors in your living room?”

  “I finished that last weekend,” I replied.

  “I’m sure we’ll figure something out for your picture,” Brook told me.

  “My picture?” I asked, not understanding what my floors had to do with my picture.

  “I see where you’re going with this, and I like the idea,” Delaney remarked.

  “What idea?” I pushed, annoyed that Brook was continuing to ignore my question. “You bitches are talking about me, so you need to explain yourselves.”

  “Your profile picture needs to make it obvious you like working with your hands so you don’t get another date offering to come over to change any burnt out light bulbs,” Brook explained, and I really wished she was joking about that. It had happened, and the guy had practically patted me on the head and called me a silly girl when I’d told him I could not only change my own damn light bulbs, I could replace a light fixture.

  “I don’t know,” I hedged. “I’ve heard those sites are full of weirdoes.”

  “Then you’ll fit right in,” Delaney drawled with her smoky southern accent.

  Rather than answer, I flipped her off.

  “A lot of people are using them now because it’s much easier to weed out the people you wouldn’t want to date without actually going out with them,” Brook argued.

  “She’s right,” Delaney agreed. “I’ve even used online dating scenarios in some of my books.”

  “You’ve also used waitressing at sex clubs in your books, and I’m not sure I want to do that to find a man,” I pointed out. “Although, it might be more interesting than online dating.”

  “Waitressing at a sex club is not a good way to meet men,” our waitress remarked as she dropped off our drinks, derailing our current conversation.

  Our waitress was probably in her forties, but still stunning, looking much like a tall version of Selma Hayek. The name on her badge read, Bambi, and I wondered if her name was what had led her to work in a sex club.

  “You waitressed in a sex club?” Delaney asked, sounding utterly fascinated.

  Bambi nodded. “I figured horny drunk guys would tip better.”

  “Do they?” Delaney asked.

  Bambi shook her head. “Nope. I make much better tips here, and I don’t go home smelling like cheap beer. Horny drunk guys are clumsy.”

  “I guess they can’t manage holding their cock and a beer at the same time,” Brook added.

  Bambi giggled. “I wish that was what they were trying to hold when they spilled the beer.”

  When she walked away, Delaney let out a deep sigh.

  “What’s wrong?” Brook asked her.

  “I was going to write a new story about a waitress at a sex club,” she explained. “Now, I’m afraid reality will ruin my story.” Just like that, she recovered and turned her attention to me. “The only thing that will make me feel better now is setting up an online dating profile for you, Chelsea.”

  “Let’s do this before I lose my nerve,” I relented with an exasperated sigh.

  Chapter Two

  Luke

  So far, my attempts at online dating had been a complete failure. I hadn’t even met with any of the women from the site. It was nice chatting and looking at profiles first, because it made it easier to pass on women I knew I wouldn’t be compatible with. That had probably saved me from a bunch of horrible first dates. I’d been chatting with this one woman for the last twenty minutes, and so far, she seemed pretty normal. When I’d mentioned my original intent to major in marine biology, she’d told me how much she loved the Monterey Bay Aquarium. This was the first woman I’d felt any sort of connection with since I’d signed up for an account. I was about to ask if she wanted to meet for a drink when a new message popped up on the chat screen.

  VIV1990: Are you cut or uncut?

  LUKE2160: Huh? What do you mean cut?

  VIV1990: I’m talking about your winky. Is it cut or uncut?

  What the fuck? Had she seriously asked if my dick was circumcised? I didn’t even know where she’d come up with winky as a name for my dick, but I was not happy with that one at all. I figured I might have misunderstood what she was asking, so I decided to ask for clarification. It seemed pretty obvious, but it was also a big shift in our conversation.

  LUKE2160: Are you asking if I’m circumcised?

  VIV1990: Yes. I’ve never been with a guy with an uncut winky. What would I even call a winky with a hood?

  Maybe something more manly than winky, I wanted to say.

  VIV1990: How about Lord Vader.

  LUKE2160: Vader had a helmet, not a hood.

  VIV1990: The Grim Reaper?

  VIV1990: No, it’s probably best not to think of death when we're having sex. Unless we're talking about La Petite Mort.

  LUKE2160: La P
etite Mort?

  VIV1990: You know. The little death. So, I guess you are uncut. I’ll have to see your cute little guy to know how I feel about that.

  This was fast becoming the craziest chat I’d had with any woman on this site, and she’d seemed like the sanest when we’d started talking. I knew I should just end the chat, but for some reason, I continued on with the insanity.

  LUKE2160: It is never okay to use the words cute or little when talking about anything related to my dick.

  Now, I felt like an idiot. We weren’t having sex. She wasn’t going to get a personal introduction to Excalibur. Yes, I’d named my dick Excalibur. I’d always been kind of nerdy, and I wasn’t about to apologize for it.

  VIV1990: I can’t wait to meet your Wee Willy Winky and see his hood. This will be an adventure. Just make sure you clean the little guy first. I’ve heard they can be dirty.

  LUKE2160: I don’t think this is going to work out.

  VIV1990: Why not? Is the sweet winky being shy and doesn’t want to come out? Mommy can coax him out.

  Nope. There was no way in hell she could coax him out. I was circumcised, something Excalibur was still angry with my parents for, but I didn’t feel the need to share that with a complete stranger.

  LUKE2160: Sorry, but I don’t think we’re compatible.

  VIV1990: Okay. Hope you find the right woman. It was fun talking to you.

  That was the best thing about online dating. Awkward conversations usually ended on a positive note. The women I turned down had other profiles to look at. The bad part was that I was beginning to wonder if I was the problem. How could it be that I’d chatted with so many women, yet I hadn’t been willing to meet with even one of them? This one I had good reason to avoid. Excalibur did not approve of her.

  When my phone buzzed, I was tempted to ignore it, figuring it was another notification from the dating site, but I decided to check it and found a text from my stepmom, Brook.