Dirty at 30 (Love Without Batteries Book 1) Read online

  After considering what I’d said, Chelsea nodded. “You’re right. I’m tired of fantasizing about a hot alpha male walking off the pages of a book and making me scream. I need to get one of those for a night or two.”

  Now that my friends were in it with me, I was actually excited about the idea of finding a man. Of course, I still had one major detail to take care of. “First, I need to get this divorce going.”

  “Do you have an attorney?” Chelsea asked.

  I nodded. “According to my attorney, I should be able to get the divorce finalized quickly if I can serve Rob with the papers. That is going to be the hard part.”

  “Do you know where Rob is?” Chelsea asked.

  “Not a clue,” I admitted.

  Rob had packed his bags and walked out the door less than six months after we’d married. There’d been no big fight, and he hadn’t explained why he was leaving. Since then, I’d only spoken to him on the phone a couple of times. I’d never cried or hoped he’d return. In all honesty, I’d been relieved to see Rob go. I’d considered filing for divorce earlier, but Rob hadn’t just left me with the house, car, and a nice monthly stipend; he’d also left me with his thirteen year old son, Luke. At nineteen, I’d become more than Luke’s stepmom, I’d become the one constant in his life. I had no clue where his mother was, and Rob had never taken much interest in Luke, even before he’d left.

  “What happens if you can’t find Rob?” Chelsea asked. “You won’t be stuck with that asshole forever, will you?”

  “I can still get a divorce,” I assured her. “It will just take much longer, and I’d really like to put that part of my life behind me. Luke is an adult, and he’s also been pushing me to move forward. I think he feels guilty about the stuff with Rob, even though none of it was his fault.”

  “You know what you should do?” Delaney asked, and something told me I didn’t want to know what Delaney thought I should do.

  “I’m afraid to ask,” I admitted.

  “You should ask Luke to fix you up with one of his hot young friends,” Delaney suggested.

  I had just taken a drink, and I literally spit the contents across the table at Delaney, which served the bitch right.

  “Brook!” Delaney screeched.

  I shrugged. “You deserved that. Just be glad I’d taken a drink of water instead of my margarita. It would be totally wrong to go out with one of my stepson’s friends. I’m pretty sure it is a big no-no of the forbidden romance variety.”

  “You’re only six years older than Luke,” Delaney argued. “I’m sure you were considered a total MILF by his friends during his high school years. You owe it to at least one of those poor young men to make his ultimate fantasy a reality.”

  “I do not want to think about horny teen boys fantasizing about me,” I said with a shudder.

  “She’s right,” Chelsea added.

  “Chelsea agrees you should do it,” Delaney practically gloated.

  “I meant Brook’s right,” Chelsea clarified. “Teen boys are pretty gross. I have a brother, so I know.”

  “I am not asking my stepson to fix me up with one of his friends,” I insisted.

  Delaney looked thoughtful for a moment. “Maybe he could fix me up with one of his friends. I might end up being inspired to write a story about the sophisticated older woman, teaching her young lover how to pleasure a woman.”

  “That’s been done,” Chelsea pointed out.

  “Done or not, it would still be fun,” Delaney argued. “Don’t worry. I was teasing you about fixing me up with one of Luke’s friends. Older men are my preference. You know, a man with more experience. I married a boy. I’m looking for a man to take care of business for me now."

  “I suppose, I should be happy you didn’t suggest I fix you up with Luke,” I told Delaney.

  “That would be awkward,” Chelsea agreed.

  “I can’t believe we’ve never met Luke,” Delaney remarked.

  “He just moved back to the area, so I’m sure you’ll meet him soon enough,” I assured them. “What I can’t believe is that we’ve never met Chelsea’s brother.”

  “You’ve never met any of my family,” Chelsea pointed out. “It’s nothing personal. I just don’t invite them to any gatherings that might end in shopping for vibrators.” Her eyes suddenly lit with excitement. “Hey! I have a great idea. My brother can help you find Rob.”

  I’d forgotten Chelsea’s brother, Tyler, was a private investigator.

  “That would be great, Chels,” I told her. “My attorney recommended a private investigator, but they won’t be able to meet with me for another three weeks.”

  “Tyler can help you sooner than that,” Chelsea assured me.

  “Should I call his office to set up an appointment?” I asked.

  “Nah,” Chelsea replied. “I’ll text him and see if he can give you a call. Do you mind if I give him your number? It’ll be better if you don’t go to his office.”

  “Any reason I shouldn’t go to the office?” I asked.

  “They’re doing some remodels,” Chelsea explained. “Plus, this will make it easier for Tyler to squeeze you in.”

  “You think he can take care of everything without meeting me in person?” I asked.

  She shrugged. “I’m not sure, but he can always meet you at a coffee shop or something.”

  “Just let me know what he says,” I told her. “I can email him stuff, too.”

  “Now that we have a plan, let’s finish our drinks and go find a replacement for Rafael,” Chelsea suggested.

  Delaney raised her glass of iced tea. “A toast to making this the year we end our long stretches of celibacy!”

  I raised my glass. “To getting a little dirty at thirty.”

  “To getting a little naughty at thirty,” Chelsea added with a raised glass.

  “To getting a little sultry at thirty,” Delaney finished with her smoky drawl.

  Chapter Two

  Ty

  After surviving the week from Hell, I was looking forward to meeting my buddy Luke for drinks. It had been about six months since I’d seen him, which made me feel like a dick considering he’d been back in the area for over a month. In that time, I’d been busy with several cases, mostly involving cheating spouses. One in particular, I needed to have scrubbed from my memory. I’m not entirely certain it’s cheating when the spouse in question is into sucking the toes of women after they play tennis at his club, but his wife thought it was. I really hate my job. At twelve, when I first asked my uncle if I could work for him, I’d thought being a private investigator would be exciting. It wasn’t, but it was a family business, which is part of the reason I was still stuck in a job I hated.

  Luke had moved down to San Diego right after high school to attend college with the intention of majoring in Marine Biology. That had been his plan for as long as I’d known him, even though he’d had no clue what he planned to do with that degree. Luke’s marine biology plans had changed shortly after arriving in San Diego, and he’d come back six years later with his teaching credential.

  Looking at my friend as he made his way toward me at the bar, I was having trouble picturing him teaching biology to a bunch of middle school kids, but that’s exactly what he’d be doing in a few weeks. I suspected he’d be one of the youngest teachers there, and that might explain the beard and mustache he’d grown. Luke was a couple of inches taller than me, standing at six-foot-two. When we were younger, he’d worn his blond hair a little on the long side, and he’d usually had glasses covering his blue eyes. Now, his hair was neatly trimmed, and he’d gotten laser surgery shortly after high school, allowing him to ditch the glasses.

  “Ty!” Luke greeted and reached out to fist bump me, something he only did because he knew it annoyed me.

  Payback was a bitch, but Luke already knew that, so he didn’t seem surprised when I stood and hugged him. Luke wasn’t the touchy feely type, probably because his dad had been a complete dick while he was growing u
p. Don’t get me wrong; Luke’s dad didn’t hit him, but he’d definitely gone for the hands-off approach to parenting. The guy had rarely been home, usually leaving Luke with a nanny. That is, until his dad remarried when Luke was thirteen. After that, he’d gotten even more hands-off, and, to the best of my knowledge, Luke hadn’t seen his dad since before his fourteenth birthday. As hard as it was to believe, Luke’s mom was even worse. Thankfully, he’d had his stepmom through his teen years. Brook was. . . Hell, I didn’t even know how to describe Brook. Just thinking about her was enough to make me wish we were sitting at a table instead of the bar. As always, thoughts of Brook had my dick standing at attention, making me feel like some horny teen with his first crush.

  I’d hardcore perved on Brook Robinson through most of high school, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that fantasies of her still played a big role in my solo sessions. It wasn’t just about her being gorgeous—which she was. With dark brown hair, hazel eyes, and a lithe frame, she was definitely beautiful. Brook was also loyal, funny, and kind. Embarrassing or not, I was a twenty-five-year old man with a chronic crush on his best friend’s stepmom, and I was pretty sure that contributed to my decision to avoid getting serious with any woman. I’d had my share of casual relationships and fuck buddies, but nothing beyond that. I made it a point to never get involved with any woman who was looking for more because I knew I couldn’t give it to her.

  I’d told myself over and over again that I was not going to ask about Brook today, but that just proved I could be a dumbass when it came to Brook.

  “How’s your stepmom?” I asked.

  “Brook’s doing okay,” Luke responded after a brief hesitation. That hesitation worried me.

  “What’s really going on?” I asked.

  Luke just shrugged.

  “Don’t be a dick,” I told him.

  “You’re awfully concerned about my stepmom,” he remarked. “Any reason for that?”

  “Again, don’t be a dick.” Luke knew all about my teen crush on Brook.

  “She really is doing fine,” Luke assured me. “Between running her graphic design business and filing for divorce, she’s just got a lot on her plate.”

  “What?” I asked, sure I must have misheard. “Brook is divorcing your dad?”

  “Yeah,” Luke replied. “She’s gonna start dating again, too. I’m hoping she finds a nice guy. She deserves it after all the years she put her life on hold for me.”

  “How are you handling all of this?” I asked, trying to focus on the conversation instead of on the fact that Brook would be single soon. The object of my decade long fantasy would be attainable, which brought me to the conclusion that I was an asshole who was still hardcore perving on his best friend’s stepmom.

  “I’m happy for her,” he replied. “This is her chance to find a guy who appreciates her. Maybe she’ll even have kids of her own. She’d make a great mom.”

  Silence stretched between us as I tried to decide how to ask Luke if he’d be okay with me dating Brook. For all I knew, Brook wouldn’t be okay with it, but I needed to clear this with Luke before I got to that step. “I need to ask you something.”

  Luke met my gaze, his expression serious. “If you want to ask her out, I’m fine with it. Just remember how reasonable I’m being if the situation is ever reversed.”

  “Dude! My parents are still married,” I told him. “Plus, you aren’t my mom’s type, and she’s old. Fuck! Don’t tell my mom I said that. I just meant she’s too old for you, not that she’s ancient.”

  “First, your mom is totally hot,” Luke began. “Fifty is the new thirty, so she’s not old.”

  “Stop!” I said with a hand up to ward off any more talk of how hot my mom was. At least, this conversation was curing the raging hard on I’d had from thinking about Brook.

  “I’m just saying, the women in your family are hot, and your mom is proof they age well,” he continued.

  “Are you punishing me for the hug?” I asked.

  “Absolutely,” he replied with a grin. “You had to know I was going to make you pay for acting like a clingy bitch.”

  Rather than taking offense, I blew him a kiss, to which he responded by flipping me off.

  “Fine,” I relented. “You can ask my grandma out, but she’s going to turn you down.”

  “Lies!” Luke insisted. “Your grandmother has always had a thing for me. She told me I was a sweet boy every time she saw me. We both know what that means.”

  “She told me you’re too skinny and need to put on at least twenty pounds to get a good woman.”

  “If I start dating your grandma, I’ll put on weight,” he remarked. “She’s a great cook.”

  “Okay, we need to stop talking about you dating my grandma,” I insisted. “You can date any of my relatives under thirty. How’s that?”

  “Make it under thirty-five, and you’ve got a deal,” he countered.

  “Fine, any of them under thirty-five,” I agreed, even though I knew he was just messing with me. I didn’t have any cousins around that age. I just had an older sister, but Chelsea and Luke had never gotten along, so I knew he wasn’t talking about her.

  I needed to know more about Brook. It had been six years since I’d seen her at Luke’s graduation. Since I’d graduated a year ahead of Luke, I’d been busy learning the ropes at my uncle’s firm during Luke’s last year of high school, so I hadn’t spent much time at Luke’s house that year. A lot of time had passed, and I was sure Brook had changed some. I’d certainly changed.

  Before I could ask Luke more about what was going on in Brook’s life, my phone buzzed with an incoming text. “I need to check this in case my uncle is messaging me about something.” My uncle was currently mad at me for refusing to handle a repeat client of the firm. Actually, he wasn’t so much mad at me for refusing to help the client as he was about me suggesting the client was an asshole for wanting to find out if wife number four was cheating. The guy only cared because he’d already found potential wife number five and wanted out. He did this each time he got bored with his current wife. The rich asshole had prenups with each wife, allowing him to get out of a big payout in the divorce if his wife was cheating. Getting solid proof wasn’t important as long as we found enough to make his wife agree to his terms in the divorce. I knew for a fact wife number three hadn’t been cheating, but she’d agreed to his terms to avoid having her name dragged through the media. He was smart and always offered more than the prenup required, threatening them with less if they didn’t agree to his terms.

  Looking at my phone, I was surprised to see a text from my sister, since I knew she had big plans with her secret girls’ club. They’d been hanging out for about a year, and I had yet to meet them. That was probably a good thing considering some of the stuff she’d told me they talked about.

  CHELS: Hey, Brat! I need you to help my friend.

  ME: I am not helping anyone move.

  CHELS: Who said anything about moving?

  ME: The only time you ever ask me to help one of your friends, I end up having to rent a truck and move a refrigerator.

  CHELS: This friend needs help finding her husband so she can serve him with divorce papers. It’s right up your alley, and she’ll pay you.

  ME: IDK. I’m considering taking some time off.

  CHELS: Please!!!

  ME: Fine. I’m out right now, but send me her info, and I’ll look into it for her when I can.

  CHELS: You are awesome! She really needs to move on with her life. She hasn’t seen him in over ten years.

  No. Fucking. Way. My sister could not be talking about Brook. I could not be getting a message asking me to help her right after Luke had given me his nod of approval for dating her. Chelsea had mentioned her friend, Brook, from yoga class, but I’d never made the connection. Then again, why would I? It’s not like Brook was an uncommon name.

  “Are you going to keep staring at that phone like it’s some great mystery?” Luke asked.

>   “Is Brook having trouble finding your dad?” I asked. “What I mean to say is, does she know where he is to serve him with papers?”

  Luke considered my question. “She hasn’t mentioned having any trouble finding him, but you know how Brook is. She never wants me to know when anything’s wrong. Do you want me to ask her?”

  “No, don’t worry about it. Does she know my sister?” I asked.

  Luke shrugged. “I haven’t met her new friends yet, but it’s possible. She’s been hanging out with some women she met at a crappy yoga class.”

  Grinning, I texted Chelsea back.

  ME: I’d like to meet with her in person before I do anything.

  There was a long pause before Chelsea finally replied.

  CHELS: Why don’t you call her instead of meeting in person?

  ME: Any reason you don’t want me to meet your friend?

  CHELS: Yes. You’re still a brat. I’ll ask her when we’re done shopping.

  ME: Can’t you ask her while you try on shoes?

  CHELS: We’re shopping for vibrators.

  ME: Did not want to know that.

  Actually, I was very interested in Brook shopping for vibrators, but the thought of my sister shopping for vibrators was enough to kill what was left of my erection.

  CHELS: Do you think I should get a rabbit?

  ME: I thought you didn’t want to get any pets.

  CHELS: Still talking about vibrators. It’s a multitasking vibe. I heard turtles are good for that, too.

  ME: Are you trying to make me go blind from reading these texts?

  CHELS: Nope. Just getting even for the time you and Luke used my thong as a slingshot.

  I chuckled at the memory of using Chelsea’s thong as a slingshot. That hadn’t gone over well.

  “What’s so funny?” Luke asked.

  “That was Chels,” I told Luke. “She was reminding me of the time we used her thong as a slingshot. Do you remember how mad she got?”